Well Hai

Lots has happened since I last posted here... Got a new job, and a new position in THAT job..and just found out today that I'm getting promoted AGAIN...go me ha. I don't know if I was engaged last time I was here but if not then I guess thats new too. ....I also lost my Grandpa... Let me tell you, it surly hasn't been easy.......Most of you who read this know me pretty well, you know the shit I've been threw. And that I am STILL struggling with every day. You know my story. But these past couple of weeks... I have been struggling even more. I virtually don't sleep, It's hard for me to eat and when I do...it doesn't settle well. My nightmares are back FULL FORCE I might add so even if I DO get to sleep its only for a short amount of time then im wide awake again. And this anxiety that I have been having...the littlest things set me off..its like I can't DEAL with anything but even at work everyone relies on me to be the best get things done and done right my family everyone NEEDS me to be the grownup and listen to all of their problems and fix them from 400 miles away the girls from work are always asking my advice on something......its like everyone thinks im this great damn person....and I'm not. Im broken. Im the screwed up one. But i dont tell anyone about anything because I dont want to burden them with my problems. I feel like if I tell people...(who don't already know) whats happened to me...or whatever that thye are going to judge or even worse feel bad. and treat me different, I dont want that. The people that I have placed in my life I have them there for a reason, and to lose a single one of them over my past I think would crush me. Laura's worried about me...like that isn't something new I can't seem to think of a time that I'm not making her worry over SOMETHING I guess its what I'm good at..Making my best friend worry. I'm burdening her with worry like always this time its because I don't eat. Unless i'm told to. and after reading this stupid thing she will probably be even more worried. so way to go Shelby...again... Ugh yup its about that time... P.s....I Love You