Unknown things and Unanswered Questions

It’s funny how little we really know, about life, love, the world, all of it. We don’t quite understand it and its not for lack of trying no not at all because we WANT to understand it we want to understand everything in face when we don’t understand something we get mad, and frustrated we don’t like the dark abyss that is the unknown. I am kind of different though I don’t want to know everything, I don’t what to know what life will bring me because I’m scared of knowing, if it’s bad then I won’t like it, if It’s good I would want to be surprised with it. To me knowing is the scary thing that is MY dark abyss that’s MY monster in the closet. I guess I don’t want to be rejected by someone I love, or have something bad happen to them I don’t want to lose the people in my life or I guess I don’t want to know that I’m going to lose them…that would just make it even harder for me to let people in then it already is because I know I that there is a chance of those things happening but it’s a chance and an “IF” so I don’t think about it I don’t like ifs I HATE ifs. But as of right now I don’t know for sure that I could have one of my close friends step out of my life and give up on me. I think that if I did know that information….hmmm….I don’t think I could live like that. I could handle it. I’m glad I don’t have to.

P.s. I love you

Unknown things and Unanswered Questions

It’s funny how little we really know, about life, love, the world, all of it. We don’t quite understand it and its not for lack of trying no not at all because we WANT to understand it we want to understand everything in face when we don’t understand something we get mad, and frustrated we don’t like the dark abyss that is the unknown. I am kind of different though I don’t want to know everything, I don’t what to know what life will bring me because I’m scared of knowing, if it’s bad then I won’t like it, if It’s good I would want to be surprised with it. To me knowing is the scary thing that is MY dark abyss that’s MY monster in the closet. I guess I don’t want to be rejected by someone I love, or have something bad happen to them I don’t want to lose the people in my life or I guess I don’t want to know that I’m going to lose them…that would just make it even harder for me to let people in then it already is because I know I that there is a chance of those things happening but it’s a chance and an “IF” so I don’t think about it I don’t like ifs I HATE ifs. But as of right now I don’t know for sure that I could have one of my close friends step out of my life and give up on me. I think that if I did know that information….hmmm….I don’t think I could live like that. I could handle it. I’m glad I don’t have to.

P.s. I love you

Time

Do you hear that…the ticking clock, That is the sound track to my life it’s a reminder of who I am, who I’ve been missing, where I’ve been, where I come from and where I want to go. Its always there to remind me of just those things, to remind me that its all real all of the feelings that I have everything it keeps my reality in check. I know to most people who read this I sound crazy but it’s the truth. Hearing that clock “tick tock tick tock” it always reminds me that it’s real that TIME is real. It helps me remember that no matter what kind of heartbreak or pain may come, there is going to be a time when I am happy again. Time is my Best friend and my worst enemy the more time that goes by the more people I gain in life but also the more I lose. Sometimes I feel like I dont have enough time, enough time to love someone or to get over someone,enough time for sadness,happiness, just not enough time but I suppose that we all feel that way at one point or another. But its the one thing in life that never really changes, we get older and older we will always change but not time, time passes it always will even after we are gone it still goes on, It’s a bitter sweetness that will never stop.

P.s. I Love You

The (not so perfect) me

I know I am not perfect in any way shape or form. (Hush twin I know what you are going to say.) But in all honesty I don’t really want to be, I don’t want to be that tall skinny girl that every guy falls in love with just because of the way she looks I don’t want to be perfect. I want people to love me for who I am. I want them to love me because I’m not perfect, because I’m not the skinny girl. I want people to love me because I fall up the stairs and trip over things that aren’t there, I want them to love me because I’m hyper and silly, because my eyes are funny and change colors and my hair isn’t long and I dye it every other day. I want them to love me because I have the ability to love more then one person, that I have a big heart I don’t have to be friends with one person or another I can be friends with lots of people at the same time even if THEY hate each other, I want them to love me because I don’t choose a side.
I want them to love me for being too nice to everyone. <3 I want them to love me for me and nothing else and I am sorry but if you are reading this and love me less because of the things I put here….then please don’t bother talking to me anymore, because this is me, and you can have all of me or none of me. I’m done trying to change who I am to make everyone else happy.

:) <3

P.s. I love you (JUST the way you are.)

Before I Die

8 days until my birthday, my 19Th birthday. I fell old, I really do I feel like I'm growing up so fast and not really living, how sad is that. There are so many things that I want to do before...I die, or get to old to do them.

1. I want to finish my book
2. I want to meet people I never thought I would
3. I want to see the world!!
I. Greece
II.Italy
III.England
IV.The Philippians
V. Australia
VI.Egypt
4. I want to read 1000 books
5. I want to open a library
6. I want to work backstage at a fashion show in new york
7. I want to be a photographer
8. I want to get married
9. I want to have an epic Bachlorette party xD
Lol Just to name a few of the things that i want to do The list can go on a on and on

P.s. I Love You

Masks

Here I am..again.
Hiding from what is real, the only real thing....Pain
We run from it, we try to escape it, try to defeat it. We even Hide from it. We wear Porcelain masks, we keep that smile on out faces no matter how bad it hurts, how much we want to cry, or punch someone, our masks are there to "protect" us from the pain.

My mask.
My mask is white. Its the Shade that all colors come from...and when need be I paint it, I paint it to make people happy. I paint it to keep them from seeing..well seeing me the real me. The person who doesn't want to hurt anyone and hate yelling and when I say I hate it I mean I DON'T yell and I don't like to be around it. The person who is scared of being rejected by the Guy she loves. To everyone I'm the good kid, the "perfect child" the one who doesn't argue or fight back the one who does EVERYTHING that I am told.

I paint my mask...to make everyone happy. Because I want YOU to be happy. In the long run I don't care about me....I care about you..

P.s. I Love You

Alone

I'm lost alone left behind.
But I cant get YOU off my mind.
I try to fight but I cant see,
I want to say I love you but I cant speak,
I want to hold you in my arms but I'm so numb,
Everyone says to forget about you, your not the one.
My love for you will never end
But its MY heart that I must mend
I guess its better that I cant see, because I wont see you go
I guess its better that I cant speak because then you will never know
I guess its better that I am numb cause then I wont feel your touch
I guess its better that I'm alone because now it wont hurt so much.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

TWIN!!! Come with me Over the Rainbow :) lets go there and live! me and you! COME ONNNNNN you know you wannna!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I think i might have had a littttle bit to much caffeine before i got to bed O.O



:D


You know you love me


Oooooooooooh you know whattttttttt :) 22 DAYS!!! OMG YAY! -dances- I GET TO SEE TWIN IN 22 DAYYYYS lalalalala


hahaha mwahaha bwahaha AHA!


Ohhh yeah WAY TO MUCH COFFEE!!!


^_^
<3

P.s. I Love You

One Small Step

Makes me thinks of peoples <3
this is one small step I know
But it's the last time I'll ever see you're face
I'll go out on a limb and we'll hope it won't break
It's just five words

So I'm figuring out just what I need to say
I'm writing it down and I'm getting it straight
It's a double edge sword. It's a very first date.
It can go both ways.

What I had was tried and true
But all I want is you

So I'm trying hard not to fight it
Light this fire and stand right beside it
If I go down at least I'll go in flames
I'll sing it out at the top of my lungs
The choir is small but it sings a big song
And If I go down at least you know my name.

Oh this is one big step I know
It might not mean much but I can't do much better
I never thought it'd be so hard
To say Hello.

I caught a glimps and I never looked back
I'll throw out the rope and we'll cut out the slack
I'm keeping things tight and keeping things on track
It's just five words

What I had was tried and true
But all I want is you

So I'm trying hard not to fight it
Light this fire and stand right beside it
If I go down at least I'll go in flames
I'll sing it out at the top of my lungs
The choir is small but it sings a big song
And If I go down at least you know my name.


<3 P.s I love you

Love your Life

Believe in your heart that something wonderful is about to happen.

Love your life,

Believe in your own powers, your own potential, and your own Goodness.

Wake every morning with the awe of just being alive.

Discover each day, the magnificent awesome beauty of the world.

Explore and experience life in yourself, and in everyone you see each day.

Reach within to fine your own specialness,

Amaze yourself and arouse those around you to the potential of each day.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less then perfect,

this is the essence of humanity.

Let those who love you help you, trust enough to be able to take advice.

Look with hope to the horizon of today, for today is all we truly have.

Live this day well

Let a little sun out

Create your own rainbows

be open to ALL possibilities

All possibilities and miracles

Always believe in Miracles

1-800-MISSING YOU

I am talking to my Step-Brother Judsan right now Its funny because I can hear the other 3 brats fighting in the background about who is takling to me next, it is so funny becuase befor I left none of them really cared that i was going because I was only going for 2 months now that I have been gone 4 months they want to talk to me all the time.

I got a letter the other day from Judsan, Logan, and tyler, its kinda cool that im missed that much. It suprises me really.

I miss them all alot and I worry about them, But I guess thats just me being an older sister.

I know that none of you will read this but I Love you and miss you all so much

<3

Hold My Hand

The moon has not even begun to go.
And the sun has yet to begin to start its brilliant shining flow.

I lay here thinking about you all the time.
Your the only thing that's stuck in my mind.

Through think and thin your by my side.
You promise to be there, you keep me alive.

I love you so much you can never understand.
I'll be with you forever.

Just promise to hold my hand.